Breath
by xXDream
Summary: A songfic made as an introduction to an upcoming story. How important leading a moral life is when you're faced with death? AU, Yullen.


_Hello people! I decided to postpone studying for the midterms a little and write a short songfic, which is supposed to work as an introduction to a new Yullen story as well. _

_It's not proofread, so sorry about that... I still need to find a beta. Anyone willing?.. +puppy eyes_+

_The song I used for this is "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin, and the passages after the lyrics are fragments taken from the story, though not in the exact order of events.__ Told from the first person; either Allen's __or Kanda's __point of view. _

_Warning: This fic is AU and contains a considerable ammount of foul language, angst and some gore. _

_Disclaimer: D.Gray-man belongs to Katsura Hoshino and the lyrics belong to Breaking Benjamin. No owning on my part._

_I hope you'll enjoy it._

**--**

...

I see nothing in your eyes,

And the more I see the less I like…

Is it over yet, in my head?

As my lungs began burning with need, I realized that I actually might not make it. The obsidian eyes locked onto me were purely those of a killer- cold and lifeless. But by now I couldn't see clearly anymore. The icy grip that cut my air supply was not wavering, causing my mind to slowly but surely slip into darkness. Was this really my death?

The cold fingers suddenly loosened up and I fell into an agonized heap on the cold concrete. A wave of air flooded into my much abused lungs and the burning feeling increased. My eyes closed shut tightly as I started coughing. Few seconds later, that cold and malicious voice rang in my throbbing ears.

"Tell me boy… Name one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now."

I know nothing of your kind,

And I won't reveal your evil mind…

Is it over yet? I can't win.

"Shut the hell up, fucking bean sprout."

"No, I won't! Why do you do this?! My God… Human life is not a toy!"

Kandas' glare grew darker and he took a quick step towards my shocked form.

"I told you to shut up, midget." He growled through gritted teeth.

"I'm not fucking toying with you human scum, I'm simply feeding my instincts."

My mouth almost fell agape. A minute of silence passed through till Kanda tch'ed and sat down on the couch still glaring.

"I… I know nothing about you, so it's not my place to judge... I just… Don't understand… Why…"

"Tch."

"If I knew…"

"What? You regret what you did? Your own fault, idiot sprout."

"No… It's not regret. I think… Because I believe there to be more than an eye can see…"

So sacrifice yourself,

And let me have what's left.

I know that I can find,

The fire in your eyes.

"Why didn't you fight back, sissy? It's simply foolish to not try to defend self and let them beat the shit out of you."

The fool proved himself to be weaker every day. It was really pathetic at first, but somehow now it became disgusting and even… boring? He was the naïve type that refused to see the real colors of this fucked up world even though the truth tried to approach him in so many ways. It made me hate him even more and that tiny urge to break him grew larger.

"… My foster father used to say that fighting back makes you drop to the level of your opponents."

Came his quiet reply.

"Tch… That father of yours must have been a weakling."

My voice came filled with unhidden disgust. The brats' head immediately snapped up and his face gave me a look that I have never seen before. His eyes were moist and filled with something akin to loathing. I got an amusing feeling that maybe I touched something sacred. He stood up and growled lowly, his eyes shadowed under the white bangs.

"Take that back, you fucker."

I'm going all the way,

Get away, please…

I couldn't take it anymore. My mind was playing tricks on me, I began to avoid people. All because of him. I wished for him to get out of my life, to simply disappear and be forgotten, to die even. I've never thought that way about anyone before. I was never so hateful, loathsome or paranoid. I was never this person who I am now. I've never wished for anyone to die. I was not me anymore.

I leaned on the cold brick wall away from the people in the street and looked up into the cloudy sky. Tears began running down from my eyes and I bothered too little to try to stop them. Mana, I'm sorry, I promised you I would not cry, but I can't help it. I'm sorry.

You take the breath right out of me.

You left a hole where my heart should be.

"You're inhuman!"

"Damn right! Any other oh-so-witty comments you want to make?"

"I can't believe you! You… You truly are a monster… A killer."

I mumbled under my breath, still staring at the dark blood stains on his dark coat. He seemed to have tensed up and suddenly I felt his hand at my neck, once again. The same feeling from our first meeting came and washed through me. My own hands came up and gripped his, trying to pry it off, failing. I looked up into the eyes of the owner of that cold hand, the same lifeless orbs. Suddenly Kanda smirked evilly and gripped tighter, making me feel like imploding. I realized that all that he needed now was to make a small change in his palms' angle and that would snap my neck. For a moment I almost hoped he would do that so it would all end. Only for a moment though. My grip on the cold hand loosened and the next thing I knew was that everything faded into darkness.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

Though the urge to kill the Moyashi lessened, the smell of fresh blood still filled my nostrils, prodding the beast within. The boys' eyes glazed over and rolled to the back of his head, signifying that he had passed out. I stared at the motionless body for a few more seconds before letting him go. Allen lifelessly sprawled on the floor just beside my feet and I grinned again, baring my teeth. I could break him too easily now, drink up his blood and make sure he never wakes up again. However, my grin suddenly faded and I turned away to leave the small hunched up body behind. I would not kill him yet. Not until the boy started to really loathe me. Not before I broke that illusion of his. Not before he could understand the world. I tch'ed and left the room.

This will be all over soon.

Pour salt into the open wound.

"Oh, you're back."

That simple line was followed by a fake smile, making Kanda narrow his eyes. He moved closer to me, watching my reaction. I did not step back and instead continued smiling.

"Cut the crap."

Kanda gritted his teeth at me. I blinked.

"But I'm not doing anything."

"You're fucking with me, drop that fake act."

"F-fake act?.."

I couldn't help but waver a little and Kanda grabbed my collar, minimizing the distance between the two of us. I looked up at him feeling confused and almost fearful for a moment, but then I relaxed.

"So, going to kill me for real this time?"

My voice came out apathetically. Kanda scowled at me for a few moments before a smirk slowly spread on his face.

"Not quite, Moyashi."

He whispered before leaning down and gently pressing his soft lips against my surprised mouth.

…After all, there were many more ways of breaking a person than simple violence.

Is it over yet? Let me in.

"No, Kanda, please, let him go! Please!"

The broken plea echoed in the empty street, making the addressed person look from the man he was hurting to my terrified form just a few steps away. I was in shock and couldn't find the strength to move away from the killed man or even wipe away the sticky red substance that half-blocked my vision. Kanda let out a snarl and looked back at the person he was strangling now. The man was scared and panicked, which seemed to send satisfaction through Kandas' veins.

"Please… Please, stop…"

I mumbled before finding the strength to run the few steps towards the two men and latch onto the arm that was slowly killing the man.

"Stop! I beg you, stop it! Don't kill him!"

Kanda turned to look at me once again. I felt my cheeks getting wet with escaping tears.

"Please… For me… Please…"

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.

I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.

"Fuck, you idiot!" I roared and threw the teacup to a wall, shattering it into tiniest pieces. I was enraged, even beyond that. I knew not why or even how, but the bean sprout messed me up pretty bad this time. He did snap at me, but much differently. Had I broken the kid already? It was all supposed to turn out differently! I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists tighter. That brat… He made my beast come out before, but this time… It felt like the monster had been sedated with something akin to ache. This was not possible though, for I had nothing that could ache- no heart and no feelings at all. Nothing.

…Nothing but denial that held all.

I'm going all the way,

Get away, please…

"Has my wish come true? Has it really? Kanda hasn't come back for two days now. Could it be that he really left me alone? Without killing me… Maybe… Just maybe I did succeed to some extent, maybe it wasn't all in vain?" I mused quietly to myself while looking out my bedroom window into the quiet dusk, visible between the aged roofs of London city buildings. Suddenly, something sickeningly painful lurched at my stomach and I winced. I slowly shook my head and sighed, turning to go to the bathroom. The medicine deck had nothing that could help my digestion, which seemed to be having problems, so I decided to look for some pills in the kitchen. As I was making my way to the said place, my eyes happened to glance at the mirror. I froze at the sight. My cheeks were stained with tears I didn't even know were flowing. I stared at my reflection for a few more moments and then smiled sadly, sinking to the floor. As more tears started escaping, quiet sobs shook my tired body.

You take the breath right out of me.

You left a hole where my heart should be.

I could never understand Kanda, no matter how I tried. His actions, his words, his eyes… There were simply too many contradictions. The more I thought about it, the more guilt I felt… Kanda really did leave me; I could come back to my normal life now. But every time I thought about normal life, the vision and the feeling of that day returned. Not even a week had passed since then, yet it felt like years. Like a memory that lasted and would still last an eternity. Those cold yet soft lips, that feather light kiss, that warmth that flowed though me at the simple touch… It all was so sinfully sweet. Like the forbidden apple for Adam and Eve that ruined the life they had beforehand. That poisonous fruit made them commit a sin. That kiss… The legend suited me too much for my liking… But at least it made me realize one thing- somewhere in the long run my heart changed. I could not live with Kanda before, but I couldn't live without him now.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

"Fuck" I mumbled under my breath and jumped on another roof, trying to hide in the shadows. Somewhere behind me I caught the sound of a trigger being pulled.

"Come back here, you filthy creature" a childish sing-song voice called out, making me jump into a dark deserted alleyway and blend with the many shadows that lingered there. Great, just what I needed. My inner urges demanded blood and yet here I was, with a hunter on my tail. My mind flowed with silent curses.

"I know you're here" the same girlish voice echoed as she was slowly walking through the rocky path. I stopped breathing for a second, until she passed by. I vaguely considered attacking the girl, but realized that she would fire before I even had the chance to sneak up to her in my condition. I cursed inwardly again. When the girl seemed to have moved far enough, I pushed myself off the wall and began moving once again.

Suddenly, a chuckle could be heard, followed by the noise of a gunshot. Something painful severed through my right shoulder.

"Don't underestimate the Noahs, punk."

The girl grinned approaching. I gripped my bleeding shoulder and glared at her.

I'm waiting, I'm praying…

"Hey, kiddo?"

I turned to the source of the voice. A few steps away from me stood a tall man, his fiery red hair and eye patch immediately caught my attention.

"Errr, yes?"

I asked still staring. The person grinned.

"Name's Lavi, I'm kinda lost, could ya help me out, please?"

The man offered his hand, which I shook, though a little hesitantly.

"Um, sure. My name is Allen, nice to meet y-- Eep!"

I squeaked as Lavi person tugged at my hand, snaking his arm around my waist. My eyes went wide with surprise as Lavi leaned in to my ear and whispered.

"Be careful roaming the streets alone, kiddo. I'm sure your boyfriend would be mad if that cute ass of yours' got wasted."

With that he licked my earlobe before letting go of me and leaning back. He grinned goofily, leaving me more than slightly disturbed.

"So, how about showing me to Oakley Street?"

Realize… Start hating.

It was a lie… It had to be a fucking lie! My grip on Mugens' hilt tightened painfully, knuckles turning white. It was not true, the damn rabbit had to be lying, I would not be fooled like that… I refused.

"Yuu, I'm sorry, but that person is dead. That's the truth. I saw him die with my own eyes, dammit!" Lavi said in exasperation.

I spent years looking for that person, only to find him dead already? What about my revenge? That bastard could not just die from something other than my sword! That was simply wrong.

Then it dawned on me and I felt my facial expression turn from fury into something akin to horror. I turned around and left the room without saying a word. With that person gone, my life was meaningless now. I wanted to disappear.

You take the breath right out of me.

You left a hole where my heart should be.

You got to fight just to make it through,

'cause I will be the death of you.

"In order to receive salvation one must firstly commit a sin."

"Funny you say that… Because my salvation came in the form of sin…"

--

_Thanks for reading this!  
_

_A little about the story in the making, "Sin of Salvation," as it is going to be named. It's AU, but taking place in the same timeline (not setting) as the canon. Kanda is a cold blooded creature of the night, seeking revenge on that one person who cursed him. Allen is a human and that nice neighborhood boy with a sad past. When the two cross their paths, each of them takes it upon themselves to change the other. How hard can it be? Quite so, if ones' life depends on it..._

_Review and make my day, please?_


End file.
